Sleeping Russell ~ An ENGINE!

Sleeping Russell woke me up early this morning:

"What's that? He asks me.
"What?" I ask not, fully awake "What's what?
Sleeping Russell grabs my hand and holds it out flat and places something very tiny in my palm and closes my hand around it.
Afraid I'll drop whatever he just put in my hand, In my groggy state, I am thinking perhaps the ball from my lip ring has come off and he found it. Whatever was in my hand was so tiny I couldn't even feel it... I ask him again. "What is it?" I'm not sure why I thought he knew what it was when he was the first one to ask what it was, but it was almost 4am and I was half asleep myself. That is, until he told me what it was...
"It's an ENGINE!" he declares.
Finally I am awake and realise what is going on here. "An engine?"
"Mmh hm!" Sleeping Russell says, eyes wide with childlike excitement while I stare at him like he is a crazy person. Then he rolls over and goes back to sleep, and I grab my phone so I can write it all down before I forget exactly how hilarious my husband is when he is sleeping.

Sleeping Russell ~ There's a Kit for That

Sleeping Russell doesn't say much these days. Usually the things he says are short and not very funny, like "Did you close it?" I've tried urging him to continue. Tried to keep the conversation going. At first I just asked the obvious questions like "Close what?" he would just look at me expectantly without answering, like he didn't actually hear me, and then tell me he loves me and how pretty I am and then go back to sleep. Now my answers to questions like that are  a little more creative like "No! I didn't close it and now it is full of bees!!!!" But he just looks at me like I'm crazy, and says "what?" then he carries on telling me he loves me, and that I'm pretty and goes back to sleep.
Last night I think the stress of being the one healthy person in a house full of puke this past weekend, got him to the point of some good crazy talk though.

In bed reading as usual Sleeping Russell looks up at me and lovingly places his hand on my shoulder and says:

"If they had a methamphetamine making kit I'd get it for you."

Isn't he the sweetest!?

Sleeping Russell ~ The Kicking Gecko

It has been a while since I have been able to get good enough material to post about Sleeping Russell. I suppose I could have posted about the baby black widows in the bed after an egg sack burst, but I just didn't feel like I could paint a good enough picture of Sleeping Russell bouncing around in the center of our bed in a Spiderman (coincidentally enough) type crouch, wild eyed and whisper yelling about "BABY SPIDERS EVERYWHERE!" ....Well... I suppose that wasn't too bad of a picture painted... I just wasn't feeling it at the time. I'm not really feeling it this time either but recently my Mom stopped over at the blog to read about Baby Hulk, but never actually got around to it because she got caught up in the tales of Sleeping Russell so for my Mom.

Last night...

Sleeping Russell says:
"It's kicking!"
"What is?" I say as I watch him fumble around with the sheets at the bottom of the bed.
"That lizard thing you're getting." he replies, sitting back on his elbows to look at me.
"What lizard thing?" sorry, you are mistaken sir. I am sooo not getting a lizard!
"You know, that one you're trying to catch, what is it... a gecko?"
"A gecko? And it's kicking?"
"Uh huh! ........MEOW!"

Okay Sleeping Russell... Okay...

Sleeping Russell ~ Just a Day at the Kite Races... maybe?

It's been a while since he has had anything good to say and then tonight our tiny conversation was so completely all over the place I really have no clue what could have been happening in his dreams!

Sleeping Russell says:

"Have you found the gate?"
"What?" I ask.
"Did you find a spot for your kite?" he asked.
wait.. I thought we were talking about a gate "...No?"
"You'd better hurry up and find one or you'll be stuck inside forever."

I think it happened something like this...

Sleeping Russell ~ The Coconut Blunder From Down Under

Sleeping Russell is making a come back! Last week he sat up jabbing his finger in the air, pointing at nothing and said 
"You should see him carrying pine needles."

Last night Sleeping Russell returned at his finest looking at me with this ridiculous grin he said
"You're grounded! 
You're grounded, you're grounded, you're grounded! 
For weeks and weeks and weeks! 
You're a blunder. A BLUNDER!" he says laughing at himself, "The coconut blunder from down under!
I love you, your butt's fancy."

My fancy butt and I are glad he is back.

I'm Not Erich Hagen...

Oh my goodness best sleeping conversation I have EVER gotten out of him!!! I kept asking questions and he kept responding! 

It started as most of these things start. I was in bed reading a lovely story recommended by a friend and...

Sleeping Russell says:

I'll get the bottom half and you get the top, that way it will be easier okay?
I ignored him at first thinking he would just go back to sleep but he repeated himself. 
"What?"  I finally asked, curious to see where this would go.
"I'll get the top you get the bottom." he repeated.
"Of what?"
"Of your car" he replied.
"What car?" I asked. I drive a big Ford Flex and it doesn't come apart, there are no halves or anything so how was this supposed to work?
"Your race car" He replied. .... Oooohhh.. that explains it....
"I don't have a race car" I said.
Yeah you do" He said. I was intrigued! I wonder what kind of race car I get to have in his dreams!
"I do?" I asked "What colour is it." I'm all about colour I was already imagining since it is his dream it must be a 240. I was hoping for pink and turquoise.
"Yellow and green" he said.
"Yellow and green?" I asked disappointed now realising he wasn't even dreaming about my race car.
"Uh huh" he confirmed
"So.... am I Erich Hagen?" I asked. He didn't hear me.
"Huh?" He questioned
"Do you think I'm Erich?!" I asked again.
"Uh Yeah!" he said as if I were the idiot.
"But I'm a girl!" I said as I began wondering if I have a man voice.
"Okay" he replied before rolling over and going back to sleep.

(not my race car JZ-Photography)

Sigh. I am so disappointed.

Better Late than Never, Adventures Involving Fisticuffs and Hair Ties in the Face.

Okay so I have a horrible cold and I am almost 6 months pregnant so I didn't really get this one all down. It is a few days late and I was in the middle of a really good book when it happened soooo... yeah... but it's here now!

So the other night as I was reading...

Russell had been asleep for nearly and hour. My back was to him and I hear him jerk up in the bed and he says "Put up your dukes!" Well I turn around and he is doing this.

Yup! He was ready to fight me right there in bed! I jerked back not sure if he was having a playful dream or what. He had bitten me in his sleep in my first pregnancy so I am a little wary of his sleeping shenanigans while pregnant now.

 I yelled at him, I do that in the hopes I will scare him awake and it will be over fast, "Stop that! Lay down and go back to sleep!"

He looked at me so sadly as if I had just crushed his hopes and dreams and said "But I was preparing to engage in fisticuffs."

"No, you are sleeping now lay down!" I replied and that was that, thank goodness! 

...Until about an hour later.

I have my back to him again still reading my book and all of a sudden he reaches across me and puts a hair tie in my face, so close I go cross eyed trying to see what the hell it is and he says almost accusingly "What is this!?" 

I was kind of angry at this point. I was trying to read and this was the second time he interrupted me! 

"I don't know!" I yell, "Go back to sleep!"

"What is it?" he asks again.

"Shut up and lay back down! Go to sleep!"

"I was asleep! Why did you wake me up!?" he yells back at me angrily

I was like what in the world!? "I didn't wake you up! You woke up and were sticking crap in my face and asking me what is was!?"

"No! You woke me up!" He yells again.

"Whatever Russell, I'm trying to read I did not wake you up! Shut up and go back to sleep!"

And he did. And I gave up trying to read and went to sleep myself.

But I Don't Have a Go-kart....

Russell hasn't been talking nonsense in his sleep too often. Lately it's just been the annoying "hey, whatcha doin'", "I'm just snuggle buggin'", "give me a kiss" business where he is actually talking to me it's just annoying because I'm usually reading and just want him to shut up... that goes something like this:
 "Shut up Russell"
"I just want a hug!"
"No you don't you're sleeping, go back to sleep"
"Why are you so being so mean?"
"Because I'm trying to read and you wont stop talking to me"
"But I want to talk to you!"
"No you don't! You are asleep and wont even remember this so shut up!"

Well tonight was a little different! Not to mention I hadn't started reading yet because my fetus made me take a late night (11pm) trip to the grocery store in search for marinated mozzarella and tomatoes... and yet I came home with peaches instead... anyways! So I hadn't started reading  yet and Sleeping Russell Says:

"Do yoooou....."
I was about to tell him to shut up and go back to bed but normally he doesn't ask actual questions or anything. Usually it starts with a "hey" or something but he was propped up on his elbows not looking at me or anything in particular so I decided I should see how it played out
"Do yoooou...run your motor dry?"
 I was like yay! Fun sleeping Russell is back! The only problem is I didn't know how to respond! I was hoping it was a work dream and he was on the phone with a customer and I just couldn't hear their end of the conversation.
"Do you run it dry often?...............Hey! Lady... "
Clearly I needed to respond because the lady on the phone was not!
 "What?" I ask.
 "On your go-kart do you ever run your motor dry?"
 "I don't know..." I say hesitantly... I have no idea what it means to run a motor dry! I was hoping maybe since I was "hey lady" he would just assume his phone conversation was with a lady who doesn't know cars.. but then again.. he was talking about a go-kart! Does the Nissan dealership deal with go-karts? Does Nissan even make go-karts!?

Well I guess that wasn't a good enough answer to keep the conversation going because sadly that was all. I am hoping this is the start of more conversations with sleeping Russell though!
 

Bugs in the Bed (revisited)

Sadly sleeping Russell has been silent as of late other than the regular "Hey!" or "I'm just snuggle buggin'" or "huh? huh? What?" and then of course the random action of sticking his finger down the back of my pants while I sit at the computer... Yes he does that while sleeping and has no recollection of it the next morning.

I figured I would take this time of silence and fill it with some of my previous encounters with Sleeping Russell. You may have noticed my first encounter with Sleeping Russell is in my introduction. The second time Sleeping Russell struck it was very dramatic. I even had to calm him down and reassure him. It goes like this:

To set the scene,

I was laying in bed drawing as I sometimes do to try to relax before bed. Russell was sleeping next to me and then all of a sudden he sat up, looked right at me and said in a frantic manner

"Don't put bugs in the bed!"

"What?" I respond in utter confusion, since his eyes are wide open staring directly at me.

"Don't put bugs in the bed!" He repeats a bit more frantically, glancing around at what I can only assume were the bugs I had apparently put in the bed...

"I'm not.... there are no bugs in the bed"

Slightly uncertain this time with a slight shake of his head "don't put bugs in the bed...?"

"Okay Russell, I wont put bugs in the bed, now go back to sleep"

He seemed to relax a bit and then lay down and I went back to my drawing.

Kava-kava-kava-kava

Russell drank a cup of his kava-kava tea last night... I suppose I should actually call it kava-kava-kava-kava, because he made it double strength with two teabags and then slept like a baby. I may have to steal his tea. If he keeps this up I'll have started this blog for no reason!


Hey you tea!
Stop messing with shit sleeping Russell says!

Dry Shit

I wanted to go ahead and get this started even though its really lacking because I first posted it on facebook and since about every word was preceded by the f-word and yelled frantically and somewhat incoherently I censored and have since forgotten all he said.

Sleeping Russell says: "oh look at me, my shits all dry".