I Keep Forgetting! ~ Baby Hulk

I keep forgetting there is anything different about my little boy. I like this and I don't like it at the same time. I don't even see anything about him that really makes me think, my baby has down syndrome. The only thing physically I really feel would even alert anyone to his fanciness is his eyes and I forget that they even go along with it because they are so beautiful. Every time I look at him my heart explodes into a gooey mess of oh-my-gosh-he-is-so-cuteness, okay it doesn't really but it feels like it. When he oooohs and gooos at me I swoon, and when he smiles I die. So you see, with all this exploding and swooning and dying I am doing it is quite easy to forget. I think I said in an earlier blog... or maybe I just thought it... well, I wanted to be able to forget in the beginning. I was so upset that I couldn't get through a day where I didn't look at him and my heart would sink and I would think, my baby has down syndrome. I didn't want it to be all I could see. I was still having a hard time excepting what all that extra chromosome would mean. I still didn't know that much about it and that unknown scared me. Which is weird because I really like the unknown. I guess I just like to be able to pick and choose my unknowns and this one was just thrown at me.  I am okay with this unknown now.

I get nervous when I forget for too long though. I worry that I will forget so much that one day something bad will happen that is unmistakably because of the downs and it will just knock me down. I don't want to get too comfortable. This is just me though, getting too comfortable makes me nervous. That's when bad things happen. I need to keep myself grounded in all aspects of life or I will just float away and this beautiful boy of mine is filling me with helium.

Can I ask you a question? Almost everyone who knows about Baby Hulk tells me if anyone could handle this it is me and that they couldn't think of better parents for him than me and Darling Husband. I never would have thought this. In fact that was one of my first thoughts when he was born, this is a mistake, he can't be for me. I am impatient and stubborn and obnoxious, I procrastinate, and I never finish what I start. Is it just something you said to give me confidence since I didn't really have a choice? Everyone, family, long time friends, new friends and people I hardly know. How did you all know? Why was everyone else so certain I was so perfect for this?